By David Mayne
AmigoU – An Advanced Institution For Gamer Knowledge is hereby in session! This school was established to spread the knowledge of gaming to the uninitiated, the unknowing, the unbeknownst, the know-nothings, and the otherwise previously uninterested who have never partaken in the glory that IS: Video Games. Yes, though it is the year 2013, there are still those among us that have never picked up a controller to experience the epic goodness brought forth by such esteemed gaming royalty as Sir Mario, Lord Pac-Man, King Koopa, and Princess Zelda. There are even those out there that have never dropped a single quarter-dollar into a wooden cabinet, gripped a worn steering wheel covered in pepperoni pizza grease, and prepared to qualify. Nay, though we live in a privileged time where cars run on rainbows and a man has been to the moon, there still exists a species of human that has never completed a single dungeon in The Legend of Zelda, turned over an all-night-white-knuckle game of Asteroids, or gone on a mad-dash, car-jacking shooting spree across a little-known place called Liberty City. Yes, Amigos, not EVERYONE is a gamer, but thanks to AmigoU, even the most behind-the-times Amigos can easily learn the storied history of video gaming, experience the nostalgic nirvana of the “Golden Age” of gaming, and hopefully, one day, claim for themselves the title of: GAMER.
So what’s your deal? You think you’re too old for video games? Let me guess…kids, right? No time because of kids. Or, and I dare risk an assumption, you simply think that you aren’t any GOOD at video games. Am I getting warmer? Too expensive? Too many consoles to choose from? Too many buttons on the controller? Games are a waste of time? You just don’t GET them?
These are all common answers I get when I ask the non-gamer “why” they don’t play video games. To a gamer, a non-gamer is sort of like that person that doesn’t drink alcohol but looks down on others who do. We KNOW what we like and we enjoy our time playing games, they’re fun; not to mention we cannot possibly explain to you why they are so great! At least, that is the assumption of most gamers. “No time to explain. Non-gamers just won’t get it.” Is this where the gamer vs. non-gamer disconnect began? After all, aren’t all disputes simply the result of two sides not understanding each other?
AmigoU is here to bridge that gap! We are gamers who want to make YOU a gamer! We know what we have and that it’s quite simply the best thing on Earth, and we want YOU to have it too! Think of us as Gaming Mormons! Well…gaming Mormons that drink beer. Ok, maybe just gamers that drink beer. What? Too soon?
Together with our comprehensive history and training program, you can and will finally come to understand just what makes video games completely awesome! Think of AmigoU as your personal gaming tutor, as we walk you through the baby-steps of such classics as Pong and Pac-Man all the way up to the latest and greatest systems and beyond, with next-generation marvels that blow even OUR gaming minds!
Coming up, Semester I is in session with Professor Dave’s Ancient History I: A Practical Study of Pong. Enroll now! There will be quizzes to test your knowlege and AmigoSwag given to top students!