By: Garrett Collins
It’s been 28 years since sentimental favorite The Goonies was released. Think about that. 28 years of Sloth impersonations. 28 years of reenacting the truffle shuffle. And 28 years of wondering what casting genius made Robert Davi & Joey Pants play the blundering brothers hot on their trail. The film had heart. It had laugh out loud comedy. And courtesy of arguably Corey Feldman’s best performance to date, it had Mouthy zest. However, in looking at The Goonies now, there is another thing it has that sticks out like a sore thumb: It has age. The film has not aged very well. The Goonies’ bumbling humor and Josh Brolin’s character of Brand’s creepy willingness to hang out with his younger brother’s friends & his even creepier unwillingness to take off that damn red headband, induce not much more than groans when watching it now. Which is why this news should be looked at as a positive more than a negative.
In a seemingly shocking and rare multi media leak, sources report that super producer Mark Canton and the film’s original director Richard Donner have struck a deal with Warner Brothers to bring The Goonies back to the screen in remake form by 2016. Donner will produce. Word on any directing candidates has not surfaced as of yet. Sources say that Donner is surprisingly enthusiastic about the project, as he apparently sees the potential of modernizing the film as a great alternative to turning away every single time Mouth shows up wearing a Purple Rain shirt. Canton has been trying to make this happen for a while, and I remember hearing as far back as 2008 that this was in the works. In an even bigger hush-hush move, Canton secretly hired screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Dark Shadows) to write a ten page treatment that impressed Warner executives enough to finally give the project the proverbial green light, as well as fully hire Smith to see if he can modernize Chris Columbus‘ original 1985 script for today‘s audiences.
Of course, being this early, casting has not even begun. But some names being surfaced to possibly be cast include Chloe Moretz (Let Me In) Joel Courtney (Super 8) and Elle Fanning. If you ask me, these are some pretty solid names. Very nice for a modern-day aesthetic, and if anyone can convince me chasing a pirate ship full of treasure means the world to him, as Sean Astin did in 1985‘s original, it is Courtney, who did a fantastic job in Super 8‘s lead role. And Moretz & Fanning could be perfect as the film’s love interests Andy & Stef. When it comes to casting though, the most interesting questions will undoubtedly revolve around who will play Sloth. If I could throw my hat in the ring for a second, I would say put Dwayne The Rock Johnson in the role of Sloth. See if he can convince us that he is in fact here to stay by playing the Elephant Man type character whom Chunk befriends on his journey. There are some mighty big decisions to be made, and count me as feeling lucky that I don’t have to make them.
Of course, no word yet on how the original film’s creator & producer Steven Spielberg feels about the supposed upcoming remake of his 1985 film. But with news of The Beard’s production Gremlins getting the remake treatment showing up last year, it seems as if he quite frankly does not care about how the films that got him famous get treated by today’s filmmakers. When looking at the situation even closer, many more questions have to surface. Such as, how much longer before we hear of an E.T remake being in the works? Or how about a remake of Jaws? But perhaps most importantly, if you have gotten this far into this article and are finding yourself wondering how Hollywood could take it upon themselves to bastardize yet another one of your childhood favorites, why didn’t you check the date?
We might not be girls, but we just wanted to have fun too! Were we good enough?